“My darling girls, I watch you soar
wings spread wide, searching for more.
Your gorgeous smiles, your eager eyes
so motivated, earnest, wise.
I am so very proud of who you are
and know you’ll continue to go far.
I have no doubt great things await,
many milestones to celebrate.
And while today I may squeeze a bit too tight,
I promise I’ll release you and support your flight.”
For some reason lately, I have been “unmused.” I love to write, yet I have sat down at my desk repeatedly over the past few months and the words just haven’t come. I have been Stuck. Stumped.
And then today, as I sat in my quiet space, candles lit, suddenly tears streamed down my face and I realized why my muse hasn’t been singing to me. I think that subconsciously a part of my soul is holding onto being stuck, a part of me is not wanting to move forward. A part of me is wanting to freeze time.
This Covid crazy year has reminded me more than ever how precious life is, how much I love our daughters, and how fast they are growing up. And while yes, I am thrilled, and proud, and excited for what amazing young women our girls are becoming, and while I cannot wait to see what incredible things they do with their lives, some days I want to just pull them onto my lap, hold them tightly, and not let go.
This week our youngest brought home her materials to register for high school. Next month our second oldest turns sixteen and will get her driver’s license. And our oldest, a senior, already has acceptances to three amazing universities, each acceptance making it more real that next fall she will be flying away.
And as tears fall down my face today, Spirit reminds me, this is all good. Things are exactly how they are supposed to be. All is well.
I should be proud of my daughters, but also proud of myself. My job as a mom is to help them to soar and to cheer loudly for them as they do. And Spirit reminds me that it is ok to want to hold on, but reminds me that these girls will never truly leave me because our relationships are too special. Spirit reminds me, I don’t need to hold on so tightly and I don’t need to freeze time because I have already established a loving, trusting, strong foundation that will allow us to be in each other’s hearts forever no matter how far away they fly.
So today, I take a deep breath. I wipe away my tears. And my heart lightens, because this is all part of the journey. I liken it to climbing a mountain; at the very steepest part of the climb I am struggling and out of breath. I might shed tears. I might get stuck and stop for a bit. But I make myself keep going, I make myself push through. And when I reach the top, there is a huge release, and so much joy and pride.
This is how I feel about my daughters. It will get harder and harder each step I get closer to releasing them. I will get stuck. I will release tears. It might be hard to breathe. But I will keep going, I will keep celebrating each step forward, and at the release I will be shouting high from the mountaintop with so much joy and pride that all the world will hear.
Blessings and love,