This morning as always, I turned on my phone when I first got up. It is a bad habit. I instead should look out the window at the sky or the freshly fallen snow. But it is always the phone. This morning, however, I was grateful for checking my phone as there was a text from my dad that validated my plans for the day. The text was as if he had read my mind and already knew that last night I promised myself I would start today fresh. Start today with the idea of spring bringing me a new start.
His text read: simply: “Your thoughts?” followed by an article in today’s Wall Street Journal by Andrea Petersen titled “Finding Good is as Good as Gold in a Grim World.” I am grateful to my dad (thank you O’Reilly!) for sending me exactly what I needed to read this morning and grateful to another author for expressing exactly what I am feeling right now (Thank you Ms. Petersen!). What I took away from Ms. Petersen’s article was the reminder that we each have to find our own happiness no matter what else is going on in the world. NO GUILT.
I have heard this said to me all my life:
Kristy, you have to find your own happiness.
Kristy, no one else can make you happy, you have to make yourself happy first.
Kristy, your happiness starts with you.
One thing I know that makes me happy is yes, (you guessed it…) The Snake River, so I decided to start my spring there. I bundled up in my white coat and favorite pink hat and breathed in the fresh air. And I walked I kept seeing bushes with red berries on them pushing boldly through the snow. Again, and again, as I walked I saw them, each bush seeming to have more berries than the one before, each berry bright, alive and vibrant in the cold, pushing through.
Eventually I sat down by my favorite spot and I asked Spirit to tell me what I needed to know. And as always, I received my answer, within seconds.
“You are your own obstacle!”
The message could not have been more clear, and I smiled thinking of the berries pushing through the snow relentlessly and winning in the end.
I am my own obstacle. I am my own obstacle to my happiness. I am my own obstacle to anything I do or don’t do in my life. I am not only my own obstacle, I am my only obstacle.
I thanked Spirit for making this clear and for showing me the berries. I know if I truly want to start fresh this spring, I have to get out of my own way and realize that everything I have done or not done in my life is because of me and only me.
My successes: because I let there be no obstacles.
My failures: because I let obstacles stand in my way.
Over the past year I have let there be many obstacles. I think many of us have. It has been easy to blame Covid, or something else, but there will always be that something else. That is life.
I have made others my obstacles. “It’s her fault!”
I have made tiredness my obstacle: “I am exhausted!”
I have made sadness my obstacle: “I am depressed!”
I have made time my obstacle: “I am so busy!”
But I realize now the pattern is the same, I, I, I and I! I have created the obstacles.
Do I want to push through? Do I want to be happy each and every day? If I do, I know in my heart and soul it is up to me and only me. It is up to me to surmount the daily obstacles and create my own joy. I am just grateful to Spirit for the reminder.
And just as I am hard on myself I need to honor myself when I do remove the obstacles as not all obstacles are easy to remove. Some are much more burdensome than others. All I can do is face them one day at a time, one obstacle at a time.
Today, I took this day, this time here by the river, because I did not let any obstacles stand in my way.
Today, I took this time to write because I made the time.
Today, I did not allow there to be obstacles.
One day at a time. One step at a time. Pace myself. Remind myself that sometimes gentle footsteps are more powerful than giant strides, and remember:
If I am hurting: it is because I let someone hurt me.
If I did not do something I wanted to do: it is because I let something stop me.
If I did not believe in myself: it is because I chose not to believe.
If I was too busy: I did not make the time.
So, my fresh start this spring is to remember to find my own happiness. Remember to find my own power. Remember to honor the power of I and not let any obstacles stand in my way.
This spring my goal is to remember to be the berry. Remember to push through the obstacles because I can. Because I want to, for me. Because I deserve happiness.
I am not ignorant. I know this goal of mine will be hard. Each tiny little red berry did not get through the freezing mountain snow and survive without a fight. But I will remember that my happiness depends on me and only me. My obstacles are created by me and only me.
Kristy, you have to find your own happiness.
Kristy, no one else can make you happy, you have to make yourself happy first.
Kristy, your happiness starts with you.
Kristy, you are your own obstacle.
Remember to be the berry. Always be the berry.
Happy Spring! With love,
